Managing holiday stress through boundaries and effective coping techniques is all about striking the perfect balance between enjoying the season and protecting your peace. The holidays bring joy, connection, and celebration, but they can also invite guilt, stress, and those inevitable awkward conversations. Whether you’re deflecting nosy questions, navigating family dynamics, or managing heightened expectations, having a plan is key. Licensed therapist Katie Kernus, LPC-S, NCC, is back with ways to walk you through practical ways to set boundaries, maintain emotional balance, and handle the chaos with grace—so you can focus on what truly matters this season.
The holiday season is a time of joy, connection, and celebration—but it’s also a time when stress, guilt, and awkward conversations can creep in, threatening your peace. Surviving holiday stress with boundaries and coping strategies is essential to navigating this festive yet demanding time of year. Whether it’s managing expectations, deflecting uncomfortable questions, or setting limits with family and friends, having a game plan can make all the difference. In this post, we’ll explore practical ways to handle emotional challenges, protect your mental well-being, and keep the holiday spirit intact without letting the chaos overwhelm you.
For some reason, the holiday season can also bring on a whole lot of guilt – not doing enough, going to enough, being invited enough, buying enough, etc. A whole lot of ‘enoughs’ that the phrase, ‘enough is enough’ should be plaster on your wall somewhere. The fun thing about holiday events is that it’s a great time to catch up with those that you may not normally see or have enough time to talk too. Which then can also lead to some uncomfortable conversations that you may not have been ready for: where’s the person you were with last time I saw you? What happened to that job you were doing? Why aren’t you dropping x amount of money for that New Year event everyone’s going too, etc.
Identifying what you are and are not comfortable with is key. If you know that there are going to be certain topics of your life that people are going to inevitable ask you about (especially if something fell through or was a major life change) game plan how you will handle it. What information you do and do not feel like divulging. It is also okay to tell people, ‘yeah crazy year, anyway’s how’s your life’. Most people will pick up on the fact you don’t want to talk about it.
The other option is by acknowledging the elephant in the room, if you notice that people seem to be passive in their conversations with you, as if waiting to see if you’ll bring up the topic- that- shall – not – be -named, then just either give what you feel comfortable with, or just let them know, yeah, x happened and not in the mood to talk about it, so lets move on. Find a polite way to redirect the conversation or leave without causing a scene. Sticking it out just to prove a point or ‘sucking it up’ only ends up hurting you in the end and proves nothing to yourself. This does not mean AVOIDING…big difference. If you know you need to have an uncomfortable conversation or address something that is different than being around a family member going on about their money and you not being in the same financial situation. The same goes with family gossip or those that like to just talk in general. Sometimes it can be exhausting and thus finding a while to tactfully switch the conversation can help. You can also say ‘can we talk about something else, we’ve talked about this a lot already’ or ‘hey have y’all heard the reviews for the movie?’.
Emotional boundaries play into with kids when family members may passively guilt you on what you have or have not done with your kids, ‘oh you haven’t done that yet, or you’re not going’. Be mindful of whom you interact with and how you react to them. If you know some people are easier to get on your nerves, then maybe steer clear of that highly charged political conversation. Just because you know you can get under a person’s skin, doesn’t mean that you should. Again we’re trying not to start a bawl over grandma’s fruit cake. ‘But, but, they started it’ – cool. I didn’t realize we were adults going on 5 years old. This is holding onto the emotional boundary that just because we can do something doesn’t mean that we should. Yes, this can definitely be easier said that done. Same goes when the kids start asking why their cousins get to do all the things and they don’t. You don’t have to go into the notion of whether or not you believe their children are spoiled or your belief that the family just blows through money while knowing they have champagne taste on a beer budget. Simple response of, ‘everyone does things different and this is what we do’ or ‘that’s not our tradition’. For more difficult questions like ‘why doesn’t the elf visit us’ just be honest ‘the elf doesn’t visit everyone’s else, and that’s okay’ (clearly a phase that has been mentioned more than once in our household. Sorry Stan, not on my watch – keep your happy self on some else’s shelf).
By now, you’ve set boundaries and sidestepped some of the emotional pitfalls of the holiday season. But what about those moments where the stress still sneaks in? In the final post, we’ll focus on practical coping strategies to help you stay calm, collected, and ready to embrace the magic of the holidays—without pulling a Clark Griswold meltdown. Trust me, these tips will be your secret weapon!
Katie Kernus is a LPC-S, NCC with a private practice located in Virginia. She currently provides therapy services virtually and some in-home services based on location. She has a history of working with children to adults, dealing with issues such as depression, anxiety, addiction, life/career changes/ transitions, school issues, veterans, military/ professional services trauma, grief and illnesses.
