Different parenting styles are something I witness every single day as a photographer. Here’s what I know for certain: there is no one way to do this. There are anxious parents and laid-back parents, structured households and gloriously chaotic ones, dog families who swear by doggy daycare and dog families who would never. And every single one of them is doing their absolute best.
That’s exactly why I knew I had to share this post from Sara Montague. One of my favorite things about Sara is her gift for saying the thing we’re all thinking but haven’t quite found the words for. If you’ve ever judged another parent (you have, we all have) or felt the sting of being judged yourself (same), this is the post for you. Read it, send it to your mom group, and give yourself a little grace today.
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Readers, a thought keeps appearing in my brain…
WE ARE ALL THE BEST PARENT! WE ARE ALL ALSO… THE WORST PARENT.
I got to thinking recently about parent self-shame. We are all trying to be the best type of parent figure, whether it be a dog or cat parent, kid parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. Whatever you want to call yourself, you are likely some sort of parent figure to somebody. And no matter where you fall on the spectrum of different parenting styles, chances are you’ve questioned whether you’re doing it right.
But how do you achieve being “THE BEST” at this job? Here’s a secret… you don’t. You can’t. It just simply isn’t possible. Why, you ask?
Different Parenting Styles: Real Life Examples
Because everyone’s qualifications for “THE BEST” are different. Here are some examples of different parenting styles in action:
Public school vs. Private school
One parent thinks private school is the best education their kid can get because of the small classes and supposed “individualized instruction.” Another parent sees private school as a way to shelter their kid from experiencing peers of different socioeconomic levels. Both parents judge the other’s parenting style, and neither will ever see eye-to-eye.
Helicopter parents vs. Free-range parents
Human parents: Kid A is always being watched, corrected, redirected, and given direct consequences for behavior. Kid A’s parents believe that you learn by being taught and having reinforced expectations of what the “right choice” looks like. Kid B is given free rein to explore outside and is trusted to make good decisions as they play, learning natural consequences along the way. Kid B’s parents believe that making mistakes is how you learn. Kid C is somewhere in between, but it doesn’t really matter; both Kid A’s and Kid B’s parents are judging the other’s choices—alongside Kid C’s parents.
These are just a few of the many different parenting styles playing out on any given playground, in any given neighborhood, on any given day.
Pet parents: One dog family takes their dog to doggy daycare during the day because they want “the best” for their dog. “Dogs are kids! Kids are dogs! Same thing—they should be in an environment that stimulates them!” This dog family will also not blink an eye at a public dog park; it’s just another place for socialization! Another dog family is concerned about the play environment of the doggy daycare. What if another dog bullies or bites their dog? Out of an abundance of caution, they would never trust dogs they don’t know to play with their “dog child.” Dog parks are a huge no-no.
Both dog parents judge each other’s dog parenting styles, and neither will ever see eye-to-eye.
Why We Parent the Way We Do
Okay, I know what you’re thinking… “Get to the point. What IS your point, already?!”
All scenarios above represent thought patterns based on individual life experiences that have shaped our way of thinking. How you were brought up by your own parents, family, or caretakers will deeply influence how you take care of others. This is true across all different parenting styles — whether you’re replicating what worked, rejecting what didn’t, or blending both.
Sometimes this means doing things the same way your parents did them because you had great results and want to replicate your successful life experience for your child/dog/cat/person you take care of. Others may choose to go the complete opposite way because they didn’t like the experience or end result. Some may decide to do a blend of both—choosing the good things from their own experience while tweaking the method to fix the things they didn’t like.
Can We Ever Really Understand Each Other?
If we are caretakers who learned from our own experiences, can we really understand the perspective of other caretakers? The answer is simple: no. We didn’t live their childhood. We don’t know what influenced them to caretake the way that they do. We don’t know about their good, bad, challenging, infuriating, happy, sad, hurtful, hateful (or any other adjective) times in their life. We haven’t lived the life they have. We truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
The Truth About Different Parenting Styles
The reality is that no parent or caretaker is 100% “the best,” and no parent or caretaker is 100% “the worst.” When we look at all the different parenting styles out there, what becomes clear is that every single one of them is rooted in love and the desire to do right by the people we care for. We are all just parents trying to do the best for our children/pets/things we take care of, and the only way we know how to do that is by using our own background knowledge and lived experiences.
NO ONE ELSE HAS LIVED YOUR LIFE EXCEPT YOU. And vice versa—when you catch yourself judging or second-guessing another caretaker’s decisions, remember that you haven’t lived their life either. OF COURSE YOU DON’T GET THEIR THOUGHT PROCESS!
Thus, we are all the best and worst parent at the same time, because we are all just flying by the seat of our pants, hoping our attainable “best” will be good enough.
My final thought here: Can we all just be KIND? Instead of thinking, “I wouldn’t do that,” consider thinking, “I wouldn’t do that personally, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right choice for their family.” We are all the best parent! We are all also the worst parent! None of us truly know what we are doing, which is terrifying.
Go forth and fly by the seat of your pants, caretakers! Enjoy the ride, trust your instincts, and keep doing you. YOU GOT THIS!
Empowering Truths About Different Parenting Styles in 2026
About the author:
Sara Montague is an accomplished and dedicated educator with a passion for fostering a dynamic and inclusive learning environment. With 13 years of extensive teaching experience, she has consistently demonstrated a commitment to academic excellence and student success. Known for her ability to establish meaningful connections with students, Sara has a proven track record of creating a supportive and nurturing educational atmosphere that results in academic success.
Sara’s teaching philosophy focuses on instilling a love for learning while equipping students with the skills they need to thrive in the digital age. She is Orton-Gillingham trained, bringing specialized expertise in structured, multi-sensory literacy instruction, and she also specializes in the full scope of K-7 mathematics. Additionally, Sara has demonstrated her leadership and versatility by serving as a team lead, coach, intervention specialist, teacher mentor, and teacher trainer, adapting seamlessly to various educational roles and challenges.
Sara is the CEO of What Your Student Needs, Ed., a company dedicated to coordinating educational services for students from K through college. Through her leadership, she continues to make a meaningful impact by connecting students with the resources and support they need to succeed academically and beyond. If your student needs tutoring, homeschool support, educational advocacy, educational assessments, or executive function coaching, reach out to Sara to learn how What Your Student Needs, Ed. can help support your child’s educational journey.
