Have you ever wondered how to stop people pleasing when it seems like everyone needs something from you? Or maybe you’ve found yourself saying yes when you wanted to say no, feeling guilty for resting, or constantly chasing an impossible standard of perfection. If so, please join me in my new club “people pleasers not so anonymous.” When Sara sent me this post, it was like she wrote it just for me.
Many women carry an invisible mental load that goes far beyond busy schedules and endless to-do lists. Beneath the surface, negative self-talk, perfectionism, and deeply rooted beliefs about who we “should” be can quietly drain our energy and keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.
In today’s guest post, life coach Sara Lewis explores the powerful connection between our inner critic, limiting beliefs, and the overwhelm so many women experience. As someone who helps high-achieving women reduce stress, overcome self-sabotage, and create more peace in their lives, Sara offers practical insight into why these patterns develop and, more importantly, how to change them.
If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, perfectionism, or the feeling that you’re never doing enough, this article may help you see yourself with a little more compassion and give you the tools to lighten the load.
Table of Contents
The Voice That Never Stops Talking
We all have an inner voice that is constantly chattering. This voice can be critical of your every decision. It can be so loud that you hold yourself back from getting visible, speaking up, and achieving your big goals.
Though it’s sometimes loud, the inner critic hides in your subconscious like a baby animal that needs attention. The way the inner critic gets what it needs is by driving your behavior. Behaviors like procrastination, people-pleasing, and perfectionism all stem from your subconscious beliefs. The inner critic is a manifestation of your belief system.
So, quieting the inner critic and changing what your inner voice says is a powerful way to reduce mental load and break free from self-sabotage.
When you think about your stress, you tend to blame your overwhelming to-do list. That’s understandably stressful! But the inner critic causes lots of stress too. It invisibly weighs you down by telling you stories that aren’t true. And when we hear these stories on repeat, we believe them, and they rob us of our energy and drive our behaviors. Much of this is really just negative self talk wearing a disguise — and learning to spot it is the first step toward quieting it.
The Five Stories Your Inner Critic Tells You
Here are some common stories that the inner critic tells us:
- Be Perfect – This story reminds you to do everything right all the time, that your worth is equal to your achievements, that mistakes mean you’re a failure. For a lot of people, this story is the engine behind perfectionism and anxiety, since the pressure to never make a mistake keeps the nervous system on high alert.
- Hurry Up – This story makes everything feel urgent. You’ll feel pressured to respond to people quickly. You’ll always want to multitask.
- Please Others – This story encourages you to be kind, to put everyone’s needs ahead of your own, and to say yes to invitations and projects that you’d prefer to say no to. If you’ve been wondering how to stop people pleasing, this is the story to start watching for.
- Try Hard – This story says to be productive; you can do more, don’t rest (or if you do, you’ll feel guilty).
- Be Strong – This story tells you to stay calm, cool, and collected, be dependable and reliable, don’t show emotion, and crying means you’re weak.
Where These Limiting Beliefs Come From
Chances are that you have heard these stories for most of your adult life. That’s because our belief system develops throughout our childhood. Every person you interact with and every situation you experience shapes your beliefs. And since your brain is still developing logical thought processing until your early 20’s, you can’t challenge your thoughts or make rational decisions as a kid. So when you arrive at adulthood, you’re carrying the beliefs – whether they are serving you or not.
It’s possible to quiet the inner critic and shift your beliefs. Having a coach or supportive friend to talk it through with is helpful so that you have someone to witness your emotions. The process starts with uncovering your specific subconscious beliefs.
A Limiting Belief Example: “Resting Means I’m Lazy”
For example, when you sit down to relax on the weekends, do you feel like you should be doing something? Do you feel guilty for relaxing? Is it so uncomfortable that you make yourself get up and do something?
The limiting belief that often shows up for my clients who feel this way is: resting means I’m lazy.
If this belief is living in your subconscious and driving your behavior, it’s understandable that you’d feel uncomfortable when you’re relaxing. Your inner critic is yelling at you to be productive.
In order to change the belief that resting means you’re lazy, you must first identify where that belief originated. Think back to your childhood. What memories do you have that would have contributed to this belief? Was your mom constantly busy? Did your parents work two jobs? Were you ever encouraged to relax?
At some point, your developing brain made an association based on your experience. It said something like, my parents don’t relax so relaxing must be unsafe. And that’s how the inner critic story and limiting belief formed.
Now that belief causes conflict which adds to your mental load. The conflict is that you want to relax, but you are afraid of something. That something could be that a) you’re a bad person or b) you’ll get yelled at for sitting around.
Fear is always at the root of our limiting beliefs.
How to Overcome Perfectionism (and Other Limiting Beliefs)
To move past the fear, it takes challenging your B.S. (belief system.) Ask yourself, does resting REALLY mean I’m lazy? Is that a true statement? Is it true for every human? Most likely the answer is, no.
So now you can write a new belief. It may sound like:
I’m an adult and will no longer get in trouble if I rest. Resting is what people do when they’re tired. Resting gives me the energy to spend with my family. Resting prevents me from being irritable. It’s safe for me to rest.
Install this new belief by writing it down and keeping it somewhere visible. Read it often. And repeat it as a mantra when you are resting. With practice, this will eventually become your inner voice. An empowering voice instead of a critical one.
How to Stop People Pleasing: Powerful Mindset Shifts for 2026
You can use this process of rewiring your beliefs any time you feel stuck. This is how we reduce the mental load caused by our inner critic.
Sara Lewis helps high-achieving women who struggle with self-sabotage reduce overwhelm and tension in their lives so they can achieve their goals with more peace. She deeply believes that women need to prioritize themselves and overcome the narrative of being constantly busy. Because Sara has a neurodivergent child in addition to running her coaching business, she recognizes the power of attending to self care often. She teaches her clients how to successfully manage the load of responsibilities today’s working woman faces.
