As a newborn photographer, I spend a lot of time in the presence of new moms. I see them in those first tender, exhausting days; still recovering, still figuring it all out, already quietly carrying the mental load of motherhood before they even have a name for it. I watch them smooth a blanket, check on the baby mid-pose, answer a text about how everyone is sleeping all while trying to simply be present in a moment they’ll want to remember forever.
That’s why I’m so grateful to have connected with Dylan Beckner, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Perinatal Mental Health Therapist, and owner of Beckner Counseling right here in Leesburg, VA. Dylan works specifically with moms who are stretched thin, quietly struggling, and wondering why they can’t seem to feel settled no matter how hard they try. She is the kind of therapist who gives you language for things you’ve been feeling for years but couldn’t quite articulate and her writing does exactly the same thing.
The post below is one of those reads that stops you mid-scroll because it says something true. If you’ve ever Googled how to let go of mom guilt, or found yourself nodding along to conversations about therapy for overwhelmed moms without ever actually reaching out for support, this one is for you. Dylan writes with so much grace and zero judgment. I think you’ll feel seen before you even finish the first paragraph.
Table of Contents
The mental load of motherhood isn’t something you can point to. It doesn’t pile up in the sink or announce itself like a crying baby. It’s quieter than that. It lives in the constant scanning, the remembering, the anticipating. It’s knowing when the next pediatrician appointment is due, keeping track of who ate what, noticing when your child needs new shoes before the seasons change. It’s carrying not just the tasks, but the responsibility for everyone’s well-being.
Tired in a Way Sleep Doesn’t Fix
A lot of my clients didn’t have language for this. They just felt tired in a way that sleep didn’t fix. Not physically (although that can be part of it too) but mentally stretched thin, like there was always one more thing they should be holding together. This is exactly what therapy for overwhelmed moms so often uncovers — not a single breaking point, but the quiet accumulation of carrying too much for too long.
And if you’ve ever felt that way, you might also know the guilt that comes with it. The voice that says you should be able to handle this, other people seem to, and maybe you’re just not doing it well enough. Learning how to let go of mom guilt starts with recognizing that voice for what it is — not truth, but a pattern.
We all have that little voice, and we know it intimately.
Why Moms Carry More Than Their Share
Growing up, I learned to pay close attention to the emotional temperature of a room. I learned to anticipate needs before they were spoken. That kind of awareness can become a strength, but it also makes you more likely to carry things that were never yours to begin with. Motherhood has a way of bringing that pattern back into focus. Suddenly, you’re not just aware, you feel responsible.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand, both personally and in my work: not everything you carry is yours to hold.
This Isn’t a Problem You Solve by Doing More
The mental load of motherhood tells us that if we just try harder, organize better, stay more on top of things, we can finally feel settled. But the truth is, this isn’t a problem you solve by doing more. It’s one you soften by doing differently.
That might look like questioning the invisible rules you’ve been following. The ones that say you have to remember everything, manage everything, be everything. It might look like sharing the load more explicitly, even when it feels uncomfortable. Or letting something drop — not because you’ve failed, but because you’re choosing what actually matters. It’s also what therapy for overwhelmed moms makes space for: not fixing you, but helping you figure out what you actually want to put down.
Grace Over Perfection
I approach this the same way I approach healing in general — keeping grace in mind. Not perfection, not all-or-nothing change. Just small, intentional shifts that prioritize your well-being. Part of that is also learning how to let go of mom guilt — not by ignoring it, but by questioning whether the standards creating it were ever realistic to begin with. Maybe today that means writing one thing down instead of keeping it in your head. Maybe it means asking for help without over-explaining why you need it.
You’re allowed to have limits. You’re allowed to not hold it all.
Motherhood asks a lot of you. But it doesn’t require you to disappear in the process.
5 Places to Start Putting It Down
If you’re reading this and feeling seen, here are five places to begin. None of them require you to overhaul your life, instead just take one small step toward putting something down.
1. Find your support
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Whether that’s another mom in a similar phase of life who just gets it, individual therapy, or a group therapy setting where you’re reminded you’re far from the only one, connection is its own kind of relief. Therapy for overwhelmed moms exists precisely for this moment, and reaching out is a sign of strength, not struggle.
2. Recognize when you need a break and say so
Part of the invisible load is pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Practice noticing when your tank is running low, and then actually say it out loud. To your partner, a friend, anyone. You can’t pour from empty, and naming the need is the first step to meeting it.
3. Ask for help, especially from your partner
Sharing the mental load of motherhood isn’t about keeping score, it’s about making the invisible visible. Be specific. Instead of “I need more help,” try “Can you take over bedtime this week?” The clearer the ask, the easier it is for someone who loves you to actually show up.
4. Move your body in ways that feel good
Joyful movement like a walk around the block, a yoga class, some gentle stretching, a pickleball game with a friend, it isn’t about fitness. It’s about giving your nervous system a moment to exhale. When your body feels a little lighter, your mind often follows.
5. Try journaling
What lives in your head takes up more space than it deserves. Getting it onto paper even if it is just a few sentences can create enough distance to see things more clearly. It’s one of the simplest ways to begin learning how to let go of mom guilt: write the thought down, and then decide whether it actually deserves to stay.
5 Powerful Shifts That Transform the Mental Load of Motherhood
Dylan Beckner is a mom of 2, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Certified Perinatal Mental Health Therapist (PMH-C), and owner of Beckner Counseling, a group therapy practice in Leesburg, VA.
She and her team use evidence-based approaches to make therapy feel approachable, supportive, and relevant to real life. Their work is grounded in the belief that there should be no shame in talking about how you feel.
It’s okay to not be okay—and you don’t have to navigate it alone.
