Managing Meltdowns When Summer Feels Like Too Much by Dawn Van Berkel, Licensed Professional Counselor, NCC, CST

As a mom of two, family photographer, and substitute elementary school teacher, I know how overwhelming it can be to create a supportive environment for our kids. One of the biggest challenges, especially with neurodiverse children, is managing meltdowns when things feel too overwhelming. That’s why I’m thrilled to share this expert blog post from Dawn Van Berkel, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Parent Coach specializing in supporting families with neurodiverse children.

If you’re navigating the ups and downs of parenting neurodiverse children, this post is a must-read! From managing meltdowns to creating sensory spaces, Dawn shares simple, actionable strategies to help your child feel calm, grounded, and supported. Plus, if you’re looking for resources for families with neurodiverse children in Northern Virginia, you’ll find great tips here to get started. Let’s dive in and discover practical, loving solutions for your family!

For many children, routine and structure are essential. But when summer break arrives, that familiar rhythm often disappears—and for families of neurodiverse children, the lack of predictability can be especially challenging.

Are you suddenly juggling work, managing unstructured days, and trying to keep your child regulated and engaged?

Are you stressed? Are they stressed?

You’re not alone.

Parenting neurodiverse children can often feel overwhelming, especially during the summer months when the usual structure fades away. It’s hard to scroll through social media and see post after post from parents excited for summer. But for those of us raising neurodiverse children, the long, unstructured days can feel overwhelming, especially when traditional camps or summer programs aren’t a good fit. If you’re struggling with managing meltdowns, you’re not alone either—there are ways to make it easier.

I used to envy parents who looked forward to the “freedom” of summer. But that was never our reality. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t recreate the structure of the school day, and without it, the meltdowns came fast and often.

Sound familiar?

Meltdowns can look different for every child:

·       Screaming

·       Breaking things

·       Hitting others or themselves

·       Uncontrollable, gut-wrenching sobbing

·       Acting as if they are completely unaware of their surroundings

They’re painful to witness, and in those moments, it often feels like your child is completely out of control, because their nervous system is dysregulated.

These are not tantrums.

If you already know the difference, you’re ahead of the game. But for those who aren’t sure, here’s a quick breakdown:

Tantrums are:

·       A way for a child to get something they want

·       Developmentally normal and usually intentional

·       Controlled behaviors (even if they don’t seem like it at first, but if the strategy fails, they are fully capable of stopping and moving on.)

·       Full of “check-ins” to see if their strategy is working (think: that quick glance to see how you’re reacting)

·       They may also forget that this tactic doesn’t work and try it again 30 minutes later

Meltdowns, on the other hand:

·       Happen when a child is completely overwhelmed

·       Are not a choice and not about getting something

·       Are triggered by accumulated stress or sensory overload

·       Indicate a dysregulated nervous system

·       Require support and co-regulation, not consequences

Think of it like this: someone left their socks on the floor again, your to-do list won’t stop growing, you just spilled your coffee, and then someone asks you to do one more thing. You snap. That’s your breaking point, your nervous system is overwhelmed and dysregulated. But as an adult, you likely have some tools to recover. Now imagine being a child without those tools, trying to navigate that same level of overload.

What to Do in the Middle of a Meltdown

When a meltdown hits, your child’s nervous system is in survival mode. They can’t listen, reason, or follow instructions, so our job is to help them feel safe and supported until their body calms down.

Managing meltdowns can be tough, but there are a few strategies that can help:

·       Stay as calm as possible. Your regulation matters. Speak softly, keep your body language non-threatening, and try to ground yourself first.

·       Reduce stimulation. Dim lights, lower your voice, and move them to a quieter space if possible.

·       Avoid reasoning or discipline. This isn’t the time for explanations or consequences. Wait until they’re regulated to talk through what happened.

·       Offer co-regulation tools. Sit nearby, offer a deep pressure hug (if that’s soothing for them), or suggest a calming object like a weighted blanket or fidget.

·       Validate their experience. Simple phrases like “I see you’re having a hard time,” or “I’m here with you” go a long way in helping your child feel safe and seen.

Remember: the goal during a meltdown isn’t to fix or stop it, it’s to be a safe, calm presence so your child can return to regulation.

What Can You Do to Lessen these Meltdowns?

One practical way to reduce meltdowns at home is by creating a sensory space that supports your child’s unique needs.

Parenting neurodiverse children means understanding that sensory input can make a big difference in keeping your child regulated. Some kids need more sensory input to stay regulated. Others need less. And many need both, just at different times.

You don’t need a whole room. A cozy corner, a closet nook, or even a makeshift tent with blankets can become a calming retreat.

Why sensory spaces help:

·       Promote a sense of safety and emotional security

·       Provide essential sensory input

·       Support motor development and coordination

·       Improve focus and self-regulation

·       Reduce stress and prevent meltdowns

·       Strengthen the caregiver-child relationship

Start by thinking about what your child seeks out most right now.

For a Calming, Soothing Space:

·       Use muted colors and minimize visual clutter

·       String up soft, white lights for a warm glow

·       Add cozy blankets, pillows, and a favorite stuffed animal

·       Play gentle music or white noise

·       Include visuals for calming strategies (like deep breathing or “cookie breathing”)

For a Stimulating, Energizing Space:

Use what you already have around the house:

·       Bath scrubbies or textured sponges

·       A homemade rainstick (fill a paper towel tube with rice or beans and seal it tightly)

·       A tray of rocks with different textures

·       A lint roller for sticky tactile input

·       Bubble wrap (yes, it’s noisy—but sometimes that’s exactly what they need)

·       Crinkly paper or leftover packaging

·       A hole punch and scrap paper

·       An exercise ball, mini trampoline, or yoga mat for movement

This space doesn’t have to be perfect, it just needs to work for your child. Think about what they naturally gravitate toward and build from there.

And here’s the bonus: when your child has a space to retreat and reset, you get a break too. Even a few minutes of calm can make a difference for both of you.

Final Thoughts

Summer break doesn’t have to feel like a constant battle. With a little creativity and intention, you can create a sensory space that helps your child feel more grounded and brings a bit more peace to your home. If you’re looking for resources for families with neurodiverse children in Northern Virginia, there are great local options and support groups to help guide you as you continue your parenting neurodiverse children journey.

Managing Meltdowns When Summer Feels Like Too Much